


Is Batman the Doctor?

by penguin--empress (penguinempress)



Series: Batman Is the Doctor [1]
Category: Batman - All Media Types, Doctor Who
Genre: Barbara's a guy in the Whoniverse, Batman is totally the Doctor, Damian really hates Tim, Doctor!Batman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 09:12:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4299075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/penguinempress/pseuds/penguin--empress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Batman was the Doctor?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Is Batman the Doctor?

The Batcave was filled with noise, despite Bruce Wayne's wishes.

Jason Todd was beating a defenseless, screaming drug dealer to death, because he is Jason. A few feet away, Dick Grayson was flirting with Barbara Gordon and Bruce while Damian Wayne screamed at him to focus only on him. On the opposite side of the room, Tim Drake was trying to watch Doctor Who.

"Everyone shut up and get out!" Tim shouted at everyone without taking his eyes of the television screen. Feeling Bruce's glare burning through the back of his head, Tim quickly added, "Except you, of course, Mr. Wayne, sir!"

Just then, on television, The Master began saying something about The Doctor being over 900 years old, which made Tim wonder…

"Mr. Wayne, sir, how old are you?"

"That is irrelevant."

"If it is irrelevant then you shouldn't mind telling me," Tim replied taking his eyes off the television for a couple seconds.

"…," Bruce gave Tim the Shut-Up-Or-I-Will-Kill-You look.

Tim gulped. "Well, sir, how many times have you died?"

"I've lost count."

After sharing a confused look with Dick, Barbara asked Tim, "Why does it matter?"

For a few minutes the Batcave was silent, except for the whimpering of the dying drug dealer, but then Tim answered, "Well, The Doctor is really old but looks young because every time he dies he regenerates. And Mr. Wayne is kind of old but looks relatively young and every time he dies he comes back looking kind of different."

Silence filled the cave. Bruce leaves the Batcave unnoticed and proceeds to go to his room where he continues brooding.

Then, Jason said, "And The Doctor has a different companion after so long, and Brucie here gets a new Robin after so long. I've only watched from the 9th Doctor to the 11th, so there was Rose Tyler at first who The Doctor fell in love with and was always happy… er… happyish and had like 4 boyfriends in one season. Bruce adopted Dick first, who is in love with Bruce (as a father or a lover, we aren't sure), is always happy, and has had more girlfriends than anyone hear, next to Bruce. Then there was that Donna girl for one episode, who was always mad about something and didn't stay with The Doctor at first because she didn't agree with his way of doing things. Bruce's next adopted son was yours truly, who still doesn't agree with Bruce's methods and whom you all think gets angry easily, I have no idea why." Jason paused to hit the drug dealer with his crowbar for whining.

"Then there was Martha Jones, who was smart and always looking for love from The Doctor, which he couldn't give her. The third robin, Tim who always whines 'cause Brucie can't show love to anyone other than Dick and, as we all know, is a nerdy little smart kid."

While clinging to Dick's leg, Damian asked, "Well, what about me?"

Everyone paused to think about this.

"The Master!" Dick blurted out. "The Master is an evil, slightly crazier version of The Doctor just like you are an evil, crazier version of Daddy Bats."

Damian thought this over for a few seconds, "So, I am an evil, crazed, power-hungry Time Lord who succeeds in taking over the world only to be stopped by Martha, aka: Tim, and The Doctor, aka: father? F*** you all! Why do I have to be the one that gets f***ing killed?"

"Others die, Damian," Tim said distractedly.

Damian glared at Tim then tackled him to the ground and proceeded to beat him up.

As Damian stopped beating Tim up, Jason asked, "What 'bout Alfie?"

"Harriet Jones?" Barbara asked.

"Yeah, and you would be Mickey!" Dick said.

"I'm a guy?"

"In The Doctor's universe… Yes."

Barbara shrugged and walked away. Ace the Bathound bounded into the Batcave and growled angrily at Jason before wondering over to a random corner.

"K-9!" Tim said running towards Ace, only to be tackled by Damian again.

As Jason and Dick started to discuss how Joker could be the Dalek creator and Penguin was the creator of the Cybermen, Alfred walked in and informed everyone that he would be cleaning their rooms today. The children raced to their rooms to hide anything they did not want Alfred seeing, thus ending the discussion... for now.


End file.
